The magic consists in the fact that the changes you affect within yourself in turn affect others. Anais Nin
When you decide to practice inner hospitality, the self-torment ceases. The abandoned, neglected, and negative selves come into a seamless unity. John O’Donohue
The idea of inner hospitality may sound strange, but I think it has a great deal to do with healing both ourselves and the world. As to how it relates to healing ourselves, my reasoning is this: healing means ‘to become whole’ and without inner hospitality we cannot be whole. If we reject aspects of ourselves such as certain traits, feelings, and experiences, it doesn’t matter how much we exercise or how often we eat organic foods. We will be leaving parts of ourselves out in the cold and if they don’t thrive, neither do we.
Both hospitality and hospital (a place where people stay to be healed) have the same root, hospitale, meaning ‘host.’ Even if some of the spirit of hospitality has gone out of hospitals, the connection was made somewhere along the way – it was recognized that hospitality is a healing force.
If we offer ourselves inner hospitality, we heal.
Rumi sums it up more poetically:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!…
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Inner hospitality implies offering the same kind of welcoming toward ourselves as we would extend to guests. It includes things like not calling ourselves “stupid” or “idiot” when we make a mistake, for example. After all, we wouldn’t do that to our guests. Being inwardly hospitable means being kind towards all parts of ourselves and reminding ourselves we are human.
This doesn’t mean we have to act out our “meanness” or “malice,” but at least offer them room and board and perhaps some conversation. Who knows, maybe they brought a gift for us. As Rumi suggests, our “guests” will undoubtedly have brought with them, some guidance. A pain might be telling us we need to stop doing something. A depression might mean we aren’t living our own lives.
Arnold Mindell has been a significant teacher and inspiration for me in regards to hospitality, both inner and outer. He recognizes that they are one and that inner hospitality is world work.
Mindell was once a quantum physicist, then a Jungian analyst and eventually developed his own psychotherapeutic approach he calls Process Work, which involves recognizing the connection between dreams and physical symptoms. He also practices his magic by helping to resolve conflicts in groups of all sizes. Examples include open forums (both sides present) with rival gangs in Los Angeles, and Protestants and Catholics in Belfast. The guy either really knows what he is doing or he must be missing a few. I am convinced he knows what he is doing.
He practices outer hospitality by paying extra attention to the voices of minorities and the oppressed. He asks the ones who have been silent to speak. He also tries to really hear those he has most difficulty listening to.
Shaman that he is, he simultaneously participates in his own inner work. He looks at those parts of himself that these outer voices represent, especially those he doesn’t like. He offers them hospitality and a chance to speak their mind. Not only does he find this to be healing for himself, transformation often takes place in the group with which he is working. Mystics through the ages have known that when we change, the world changes.
I have felt inspired to try to practice this with groups. I don’t think I am imagining that it makes a difference and that the effects go in both directions. As I put effort into becoming more accepting of myself, the group process goes more smoothly and becomes an even greater pleasure. As I make an effort to be welcoming and inclusive to everyone in my class, I find that I feel safer, more at ease and able to be authentic.
Whenever I think about inner and outer, the line between them starts to blur – there is no real separation (a possible topic for future posts.) For me this sheds light on the meaning of the words, ‘love thy neighbour as thyself.’ Love thy visitor as thyself.
Welcome, World!
Arnold and Amy Mindell’s website: www.aamindell.net