by Marian Smith
Last week, as I was preparing to teach a daylong retreat, I came across a tattered piece of paper with a quote by Thomas Merton.
The words had once been very powerful for me and I had shared them with many students over the years. But, over time, I moved on to share new quotes and new stories and had all but forgotten Merton’s wise counsel. This time, it stopped me in my tracks.
“To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.”
Despite my good intentions, over the past few weeks, I had been doing this very thing. Doing violence to myself. Again. Even though I knew better. I was committed to so many projects that my body was still buzzing when I got into bed at night… I knew I was doing a disservice to myself…and to others I love.
Happily, this practice is about remembering… over and over, to come back to the moment, to begin again with wholehearted presence.
We were holding a retreat that day in The Botanical Gardens and during lunch I went out to do some walking meditation. As I was walking under a canopy of greenery, I turned a corner in the path and suddenly happened upon a sparrow, bathing in a shallow pond. I watched him as he dipped his head into the water again and again, the glittering droplets running down his back. He tilted one wing into the water and then the other, sending a light water spray out over the pond.
The gentle sounds of flapping wings in water and the sparkling of sunlight on the small rivulets of the pond gave me an inexplicable thrill. I stood stock-still, my senses all awake, fully aware that I was privy to a precious moment. The delight in stumbling upon this moment of presence was so incredibly renewing that it doesn’t really make rational sense.
What does make sense is remembering how important it is for me to make time for doing nothing but simply being, and openly receiving. And I know that the more I create the conditions for mindfulness, the less likely I will succumb to doing violence… and the more likely I am to drop into the moment and perhaps, stumble upon happiness.
Marian A. Smith, MA, RMT, RCC
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