As I explained in a previous post, etymologically, ‘weird’ means ‘fate’ and in the way I am speaking of it is also synonymous with the process of individuation; becoming one’s true and whole (unique) self. In this context, we might think of fate as a divine blueprint with which, to a certain extent, we can choose whether or not to align ourselves.
Have I written about ‘trust’ yet? It is so related to everything I have written that I may not have made it the focus of a post. Well, even if I have, I think it is an important enough topic to warrant any number of discussions. And what and how to trust ourselves and Life is, in a way, what this whole topic of weird (as in fate and individuation – becoming our true and whole selves) is about.
We need a certain level of trust in ourselves and in Life to live from who we are and bring forward our unique gifts. We need to trust other people too, though we can’t always depend on them to like what we are saying or doing or expressing when we are being true to ourselves. But we can trust that they, too, have wisdom, resources, and a unique blueprint within themselves, which they can choose to attune to. In any case, it is crucial we trust and support ourselves even when others don’t recognize us or show encouragement.
‘What do I trust in life?’ is a really important question. Maybe you find it difficult to trust at all. Eric Erikson, developmental psychologist and stage theorist believed that trust is our first “challenge” and conflict to resolve. That is, from the very beginning all infants need a secure sense of being cared for physically and emotionally. Then they will be able to carry this trust forward while moving on to the next stages. He acknowledges that no infant is going to have all their needs met, but trust needs to develop enough to be stronger than mistrust. Otherwise, difficulties in relationship and life in general will persist, and we will have a hard time listening to and trusting ourselves, until this wound is healed.
Trust implies that we are able to relax and sink into ourselves, feeling rooted in this earth we live on and in our bodies. We can trust our instincts and other inner messages. Through trauma (such as not receiving solid care in infancy) we disconnect (dissociate is the clinical term) from our feelings and body messages, and therefore ourselves. If our environment feels unsafe and even dangerous, we will be unable to feel securely held by Life and will have little sense of a solid foundation. We will become disembodied, in a sense, and live in our heads where it feels safer.
Our developing ego will become anxious and feel a need to take control but it will be unable to find a centre to refer back to for guidance. It will plan and set agendas, and these may have nothing to do with our natural unfolding. We will look outward to society, the media, to trends, and other outer authority for how to live – or we reject everything and take on a me against the world approach. In either case we may believe ourselves to be the masters of our lives, yet we are so estranged from ourselves, we have no means of connection and can only crash at some point. Which might very well be the best thing for us, as we have a chance to re-root ourselves in solid ground.
Besides trusting ourselves we need to trust the process of life, allowing things to unfold, attuning to what comes forward, and co-creating with Life. We accept that life is an ongoing Mystery full of surprises and delights that are far beyond anything” we could have ask for or imagine.”
Trust doesn’t mean we won’t face challenge or hurt, but we can trust ourselves to withstand (stand with) and transform through it and discover that our self, our nature, has remained in support of us all along. Eventually we realize our self is connected to everything and that Life itself has been holding us and caring for us all along.